Washington, DC -- Following Jesse Helms's lead in announcing the truly unexpected, Phil Gramm introduced legislation today which would provide an additional $1 trillion for housing, especially rural housing.

"At the end of my term, I finally came to the realization that housing is my love, indeed, my life," Gramm stated proudly, while wiping away defiant tears. "All those banks, well, they just don't need my help. I think they do ok without all the extras I tend to give them, right?"

Inspired by his colleagues words, Mike Oxley, Chairman of the House Financial Services Committee screamed out, "Oh Phil, you are so ON. My life in the financial world just threw me off balance. And your bill's emphasis on rural areas - all I can say is W-O-W!! Rural folk really need, you know, this housing and community stuff."

Jesse Helms, who recently announced his support of a $500 million assistance package to combat AIDS in Africa, was unavailable for comment.